Dealing With Disappointment

Disappointment is tough. It can be one of the most difficult emotions to accept and move past. Many things bring about disappointment such as a failed relationship, a child who chooses a different direction than the parent would like, perhaps not being invited to a group or sport team you were hoping for, and one of the largest disappointments is the loss of income and/or livelihood. The latter is something that I am currently dealing with, so yes, I do have firsthand experience.

In the beginning when something doesn’t go our way and we feel disappointment, we may also feel fear, sadness, dejection, depression, loneliness and general hurt. When we focus on these emotions, they will grow. They will become a monster in and of themselves. We will find ourselves in a very dark place if we choose to focus on how bad we feel. When we focus on the disappointment we will bring about more disappointment, more hurt, more suffering.

    Now, you may be thinking, “But I’m angry! It is not fair. Why does this always happen to me?” Of course, you are angry and hurt. You didn’t get what you needed or wanted. However, do you want to stay angry, hurt or disappointed? Most people do not. It is not a good time and it is not fun. So, what do we do about it?

Overcoming and Moving Forward

 

 

The first thing you need to do is create a plan of action.

 

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Making a plan of action will begin to move you in the right direction. It will take you out of the depressed mindset. You will gain confidence and motivation to see the road ahead instead of being stuck in the moment. In this area, you are changing your mind by changing your actions.

 

 

 

The next thing you need to do is create a gratitude list.

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When disappointment happens, and it will happen, make a list of what you are really grateful for, what you appreciate and what you have that is good and valuable to you. This is a huge step in ending the poor me attitude that often accompanies disappointment. Remember, a poor me attitude, will create more of the same circumstances. Some people would argue that when we are handed unwelcome circumstances and disappointment that we need to go through the grieving process (denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance). Well, I am here to tell you that, NO, you do not have to go through all that negativity! In fact, focusing your attention on those negative emotions will certainly bring about more of them, not less. You cannot focus on anger or depression to get to acceptance. Acceptance is a choice, its not something you walk into randomly after feeding yourself negativity for any amount of time. Again, focusing on anger and depression will only tell the universe and yourself that you want anger and depression and the universe will always grant your wish. You can decide that you want to move to acceptance and move forward! YES! YOU CAN! Instead of trying to create some form of grieving process, look at your gratitude list! Let go of the negativity and look at the positive! 

 

 

Finally, take the first step.

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Put your plan into action. There is nothing more powerful to letting go of a loss than seeing progress toward a gain. You can do it! Believe in yourself; focus on the positive, let go of the negative. This is your choice! No one can make the choice for you. What do you want? See yourself achieving it, Go out there, and get it! 

 

 

 


Make it a great day!!

Thank you for taking the time to read my article.

If you would like to please leave a comment all suggestions, ideas, and comments are welcome!

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POWER TO DO, BE, OR HAVE ANYTHING!

As you can tell, my writings have been absent for more than a week. Every day, I thought about writing and every day I allowed myself to say, “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have enough time. I’m too tired.” I was allowing myself to be wrapped up in doing for everyone else and neglecting myself. So, what has changed? My thinking has!

Did you know that whatever you think about, you give power to? What you give power to; you cause to happen repeatedly. When I was thinking everyone else is using up my time that is what happened. I was giving energy to the loss of time, which perpetuated the loss of time. If however, I give energy and focus to having enough time for everything. That is what happens! Whatever we put our minds to is what we create! We are literally creating our life right now! You can make anything happen simply by thinking it, believing it, and receiving it. What we believe we achieve! When we think of something we need to act like we already do it or have it or are it, now. We don’t say someday I will be rich. Instead, see yourself and wealthy NOW. I am not saying go on a spending spree with your last dollar but I am saying to visualize to perfection what you will do once you have your million dollars. Not just, I will buy a house. Really, what does that house look like? Where is the furniture? What does the furniture look like? What does the kitchen smell like? Visualize with vividness and it WILL happen. Don’t just visualize though. Act it out. If you say, “I want to be happy” then you need to visualize yourself as happy and ACT happy! You will find that you are happy. You will become happy simply by the energy and the power you gave to being happy. This is not a maybe it will happen, or I hope it happens. It is much more than wishful thinking because we are giving our energy to it! If you don’t believe me let me give you an example from my own life.

Last week I learned that a coworker was leaving the company for another job. All week long, I imagined myself in her position. At this point, I didn’t really realize what I was doing however, anytime I walked into the company I thought about it. What if I asked for the position? I have less seniority than Carl does, would it even be possible? The excitement of doing that job grabbed hold of my mind and didn’t let go. I saw myself working independently. I visualized every day DOING the job. The weekend came and went and it was nearly her last day on the job. I walked into the conference area where we all met before we started our day to receive instruction from the manager. After everyone had exited the room the boss said, “I want to talk to you about something.” I turned to her and for a moment thought, “Oh no, what did I do?” When I voiced that she laughed and said, “Nothing, I want you to take over Cheryl’s position.” You could have picked my jaw up off the floor. I realized right then what I had done! I gave my thought, my energy, and my power to the idea of doing this job, of having this independence. I created this. I have the power to bring forth anything I desire and so do you!!!

So what is it that you want to be, have, or do? Make it perfectly clear in your mind! Give time to yourself to bring it into being. Allow yourself to see that you already are what you want most in the world. It will happen. Keep doing it. Don’t give up if you don’t see results immediately because the universe is realigning itself to give you what you want. Just as what we give good power to happens, what we give negative power to also happens. If I had said to myself, “I wont get the job. I’m not good enough.” I promise you the universe would have said, “Your wish is my command.” I would not have gotten the position. If I think every day, give power, and worry to the thought that my van is going to break down, guess what is going to happen. My van is going to break down. Whatever you give your thought and energy good or bad to WILL happen!

Now, I see myself as a writer. I give energy to the thought that I am a writer. I tell myself I have enough time to write. I see myself writing. Guess what happened. I woke up early on my day off, feeling totally rested with not an ounce of stress or pain in my body. I focused on having time to write. The universe or God, which ever you choose it to be, said, “Your wish is my command” realigned itself to my desire and provided me the time to write. I am so grateful for this opportunity and the knowledge that anything I desire, anything I give my thoughts and energy to, I can make happen. I am the creator of my life. The universe/God is like a parent who wants to see their beloved children happen and so grants every wish. So then, be brave enough to see yourself, as you want to be. See yourself having that new car. Look at your hands. Really look. Now see your hands wrapped around the steering wheel. The car is yours. Money and wealth can be yours. Love can be yours. Happiness can be yours. Gratefulness can be yours. Peace and harmony can be yours. Anything you can dream of is already out there waiting for you to want it, to think about it, to be it. Simply see it, believe it, act it. It will happen.

Overcoming Frustration

I think many of you would agree that frustration is one of those emotions that seem to override everything else. How many times this week have you wanted to pull your hair out, kick, scream, yell, or maybe even hit something (hopefully not someone)? How many have you felt this way today? Every one experiences frustration or stress from time to time. It happens when we don’t get what we want, when things don’t work out the way we expect them to or when others don’t behave the way we want them to.

Even I experience this. Yesterday is a great example. My plans yesterday included getting the boys (teenagers) off to school and sitting down to write for my blog and work on my novel. I was stressed about my novel because I have rewritten this chapter twice. So I was ready to give it another go and make it work. I woke up ready to and pumped to put out some great work. Then, the school called. I was informed that schools were closed due to icy roads. Immediately my plans changed without my wanting them to and my frustration level rose. I felt tired and unmotivated. I still completed a partial morning routine. Then the boys got up. For some reason one of them was out of sorts. I do not know if he was overly tired or stressed but his tension-increased mine. We ended up butting heads for most of the day. By six in the evening, I had given up any hope of redeeming the day. I was more than exhausted. The emotional conflict that resulted from my frustration at failed plans was far too much. It was also unnecessary. I did not realize until later that I had let go of my control. I did not have to give in to the negativity that I felt. I did not have to give in to the upset, angst, and anxiety that I had been swimming in all day! I am at this point not certain about why I did not realize this but it happens when we let that stress, negativity and frustration consume us. Yes, I wanted to pull my hair out, kick and scream. I did none of those things I was not kind. I did not use the THINK method in my frustration I vented, I snapped, and I quarreled…. Like a teenager. I am thirty-seven years old. There was really no need for it and it did not help defuse the situation, nor did it make me feel better. What could I have done differently yesterday to make the day not a complete loss? Well, there are several things.

  1. I could have started over. I needed to clear my space. If I had completed my morning routine, my space would have been clear. An uncluttered workspace, whether it is the desk when I am writing, the counters when I am cooking or the table when I am eating means an uncluttered mind. When we let go of clutter outside the clutter inside diminishes greatly! Therefore, the first step in overcoming frustration is to see if there are environment factors contributing to the feeling of frustration. It is important to our psyche to have a neat and clean environment.
  2. I could have left the situation. Going or a walk or maybe going to the café for some herbal tea or even making tea at home and going into my bedroom would have helped. I was standing in the middle of tension that was literally palpable. I could feel it. I was breathing shallow, quick breaths and I felt like I was consumed by the stress. When we leave a situation, we are not fixing the situation but we are fixing ourselves so that we can see things in a new perspective. Yes, it is winter, and it is cold. Even if a walk were not optimal, moving away from the source of fire would have meant I wasn’t burned. It would have given me a chance to breathe and think more clearly.
  3. I could have reminded myself that things change. Plans change on a daily basis. I could have entered into this with a feeling of acceptance. To do so would have alleviated the frustration before it magnified once the boys were up. Emotions are contagious. What I was feeling most likely escalated the tension with the kids. To accept the change in plans would not have been difficult. Sitting down and writing a new to-do list and creating a new plan for the day would have made things run much more smoothly.

When we accept that things change, we can look at things in a different way. We can see where improvement is beneficial. We can change with the changes. It is all a part of reinventing ourselves on a daily basis. We really can choose if we will have a good day or a bad day. What we think about, we bring forth. When we focus on a thousand ills we will be besot by the troubles of life. If we think of a thousand joys, the troubles of life disappear and we bring forth a garden of flowers and beauty rather than weeds.

Overcome frustration by stopping everything. Take a deep breath. Look around you. What in your environment is causing you stress? Deal with it right away. Clean up. Clear a space for you. Then make a list of what you need to do. Accept that plans change and change with them. Leave the situation and gain a new perspective. Come back and do one thing at a time. If the kids are bickering, take the time to talk to each one of them. Find out what frustrates them. Offer them a way out. Maybe give them a chance to take a walk or go visit a friend. Sometimes even our kids need to leave the situation so they can distress. Finally, rethink. If what you are doing is not working, it is time to do something else. Do you remember the stop sign method? This is a great time to use it! Frustration and stress does not have to consume us. We have the ability to CHOOSE our path! What kind of day will you choose? As for me, I choose to be happy!

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. All comments and suggestions are welcome! Do you have any ideas on relieving frustration and stress? Please leave a comment for our readers!

CHANGE YOUR WORLD: CHANGE YOUR WORDS



Words Have Power

Words have the power to break or heal, build or destroy. Words can change people. We writers know that perhaps more than any one. How we use our words is how we create our lives and our image. Do we think about the same thing when we are not in front of our book or article? When we are face to face with another living being, we all need to remember what our words do every minute of every day.

CHANGING YOUR WORDS

If you are in the habit of using negative language and want to change the easiest way to be sure the words you are using are positive is to use the THINK Method. Think is an acronym that will help us all to keep our speech kind and thoughtful. It is important to remember that even if we are working hard to be more positive with other people, we also need to be aware of how we are speaking to ourselves. You are important. Treat yourself as such. Before you speak to yourself or another, consider this:

T Is what you are about to say truthful?

H Is what you want to say helpful?

I Is what you are going to say inspiring?

N Are your words necessary?

K Are your words kind?


Mom always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Mom had a good point because the saying about sticks and stones is wrong. Words can hurt. So, before you speak to yourself or another THINK first.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Make it a great day!


To-Do List: The Power of Simplicity

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” – Mark Twain

 

 

    What Mark Twain was referring to in the quote above is that by completing the toughest part of your day first thing you are done with it the rest of the day. It is over and you can move on.

 

    Personally, I really do not like the stress of having a certain project or task that needs to be completed hanging around in my head. It just makes me think about it and think about it. That takes up a lot of space, a lot of time, and a lot of energy! That is where a To-Do list comes in. My to-do list is my brain on paper! If something is on my list, I don’t think about it. I just do it.

 

    Did you know that if you have something on your mind that has been bothering you, when you write it down your brain will stop rehashing it? By writing down what is in your head, your brain lets go and moves on to other things. How many times have you lain away at night with tomorrow’s agenda on your mind replaying it, and trying to remember everything? Many people call this insomnia. It is not insomnia; it is simply a brain trying to remember. The cure is to write the agenda down. I guarantee you will fall asleep. In addition, you will remember everything much more easily the next day.

 

How to Write a To-Do List

 

One key point to remember when creating a to-do list is to keep it simple. Your to-do list should be limited to what needs to be done the current day or the next day. Making your list too long to manage will make you feel cluttered or distracted and you will feel like you don’t really know where to start. So, keep your list limited to no more than 12 things. Once you reach the bottom of your list, begin creating the next list. If you make a to-do list each day and actually put in the effort to complete each task you will find that, your lists get shorter and shorter on their own. When we neglect to take care of business, our lists grow to unmanageable proportions. OK so you know now to keep it reasonable, keep it simple.

 

STEP 1: Block out a few minutes (I use 15 minutes) each morning and each evening to create and revise your to-do list. This is important. Uninterrupted time will help you think more clearly and you will not forget what you want to get done half way through writing your list.

 

STEP 2: Think about your day. What are your goals? Write down the first step to achieving your goal. The hardest part of doing anything is getting started. By making the first step to your goal a priority on your to-do list you will get started!

 

STEP 3: Write down all the rest of the things that you need to do for the day. Remember though keep it simple. If cleaning your bathroom is one of your priorities great! Write down clean the bathroom, not scrub the toilet, wash the sink, clean the mirror.

(I am assuming you have been cleaning your bathroom for many years and you will know what needs cleaning. If however you are living in chaos and have clutter from floor to ceiling, may I suggest www.flylady.net. A free program that will help you get things decluttered, and organized very easily! I am not advertising for the site, I just know firsthand how helpful it is. It is literally life changing.)

 

STEP 4: Now, you have your list of 12 (it is ok to have less, and Ok to have more as long as you are not overwhelmed). Look your list over and prioritize. What is the most important thing to do? Put the letter A by it. What is the next important? Put the letter B, and so on. In the case of having two things with the same priority, use A1 and A2, B1 B2 etc.

 

Always assign the toughest jobs a higher priority than the easy, lesser important jobs. As Mr. Twain was referring to, getting the tough stuff out of the way first means you have less to worry about through the day.

Once your list is complete, you are ready to move on with your day. You will be amazed at how much less stressed you are and how much MORE you get accomplished!


REMINDERS:

 

 

Remember to cross of each item on your list as you get it done. It is a great feeling at the end of the day to see your list all crossed off. If you have anything left over, move it to the next day’s list. Determine its priority. If you have had it on your list for three consecutive days and you have not completed the task, decide if you will either

  1. Complete the task or-
  2. Delegate the task to someone else or-
  3. Remove the task completely until there is a better time to reintroduce it to your list.

 

This is your list. You have complete autonomy on what to put on the list, on what to delegate, on what to cross off and what to eliminate! This is yours! You are the boss! You can do this!

 

Have fun with it and get some much-needed rest. Make tomorrow’s list tonight and see if you don’t sleep extra well tonight! Good luck and let me know how it works for you!

 

If you have any suggestions on how to make the most of to-do lists or make them better please or if you just want to give us your experience with using to-do lists please leave a commentJ.

 

Thank you for reading! Make it a Great Day!

So, You Want to be Happy

    

Knowing

Of course, you want to be happy! I know a lot of you out there are looking at that title and saying “Well, no kidding.” You can probably insert an eye roll in there somewhere as well. Obviously, we all want to be happy.

We see people out on the street or at work that are always up beat and smiling. They are making it in this world, and here we are. Maybe you are not that happy. Maybe you are not making it. Maybe you are not doing what you really want to do.

What is it that you want to do? What will make you happy? How can you be happy when you have so many problems in your life? We will cover these questions in this article. This is important because unless we know why we are not happy we won’t know how to be happy.

Breaking it down

What do you want to do? Do you like your job? Job satisfaction is on many peoples lists of what would make them happy. Unfortunately, too many people stay in jobs they hate because of an imagined sense of commitment or security. Sure, when you hired into the job you committed to it, but if you are not being satisfied in your job you are not doing your company or yourself any favors by keeping silent and just going with the flow. Many people allow fear to hold them to one position or another.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

 

    OK, so you have decided that you don’t like your job. Now what? Well, I’ll tell you. Now you change jobs. You put in the time and the effort to do the job you have always wanted to do, even if that means going back to school for a degree or a certificate. You search on line for job openings. You go to businesses and submit your resume’. In order to get into your dream job you must do the work. Your dream job is not going to fall in your lap. Nothing worth doing is easy. Even being a writer is not easy.

Hemingway said, “To be a writer all you have to do is sit down at your typewriter and bleed.”

    If what you want to do most in this life is to be a writer, then you have to write. If you want to be an engineer then you have to that work. If you want to be a musician, then you have to practice, and practice. You have to put yourself out there, no matter what it is you really want to do. Do not let fears of failure keep you from moving forward.

    “I am afraid I will screw up. I am afraid I’ll fail.” So what? I would rather take a chance at something I love to do and maybe experience rejection or failure then keep going with the status quo and guarantee I will fail because I hate what I do. What about you?

Are you ready to stand up and say that you are willing to put in the work? Are you ready to put the fear aside and be what you were meant to be?!


Take a minute right now; get a piece of paper and an ink pen. Do not use the computer! You need to make the commitment physical. Got it? Good. Now, write down exactly what you want to be, do, or have. This will answer two of the previous questions. First, what will make you happy? Second, what is it you really want to do?

FORWARD MOMENTUM

Make no mistake, it is going to take effort to get from point A to point B whether you want to be a writer of great masterpieces, a musician, or an entrepreneur and open your own business. It is work but once you have taken the first step you begin your forward momentum.

Yes, life is full of problems. There are always bills to pay; food to buy, repairs to be taken care of, household obligations, and the list keeps going. This we know. We know we have to deal with a constant stream of issues but we do not have to let them command us. We deal with them as they arise. Accept that problems are going to happen. Deal with it, and keep going! If you absolutely cannot do anything about a problem now, put it on a to-do list and handle it as soon as you can. Problem solved!

 

You want to be happy. Take the first step!

  1. Write down what it will take to make you happy.
  2. Take the steps, and put in the work to make it happen.
  3. Conquer life’s problems as they happen and keep working on your dream!

Remember, nothing can stop you, but you.