Dealing With Disappointment

Disappointment is tough. It can be one of the most difficult emotions to accept and move past. Many things bring about disappointment such as a failed relationship, a child who chooses a different direction than the parent would like, perhaps not being invited to a group or sport team you were hoping for, and one of the largest disappointments is the loss of income and/or livelihood. The latter is something that I am currently dealing with, so yes, I do have firsthand experience.

In the beginning when something doesn’t go our way and we feel disappointment, we may also feel fear, sadness, dejection, depression, loneliness and general hurt. When we focus on these emotions, they will grow. They will become a monster in and of themselves. We will find ourselves in a very dark place if we choose to focus on how bad we feel. When we focus on the disappointment we will bring about more disappointment, more hurt, more suffering.

    Now, you may be thinking, “But I’m angry! It is not fair. Why does this always happen to me?” Of course, you are angry and hurt. You didn’t get what you needed or wanted. However, do you want to stay angry, hurt or disappointed? Most people do not. It is not a good time and it is not fun. So, what do we do about it?

Overcoming and Moving Forward

 

 

The first thing you need to do is create a plan of action.

 

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Making a plan of action will begin to move you in the right direction. It will take you out of the depressed mindset. You will gain confidence and motivation to see the road ahead instead of being stuck in the moment. In this area, you are changing your mind by changing your actions.

 

 

 

The next thing you need to do is create a gratitude list.

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When disappointment happens, and it will happen, make a list of what you are really grateful for, what you appreciate and what you have that is good and valuable to you. This is a huge step in ending the poor me attitude that often accompanies disappointment. Remember, a poor me attitude, will create more of the same circumstances. Some people would argue that when we are handed unwelcome circumstances and disappointment that we need to go through the grieving process (denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance). Well, I am here to tell you that, NO, you do not have to go through all that negativity! In fact, focusing your attention on those negative emotions will certainly bring about more of them, not less. You cannot focus on anger or depression to get to acceptance. Acceptance is a choice, its not something you walk into randomly after feeding yourself negativity for any amount of time. Again, focusing on anger and depression will only tell the universe and yourself that you want anger and depression and the universe will always grant your wish. You can decide that you want to move to acceptance and move forward! YES! YOU CAN! Instead of trying to create some form of grieving process, look at your gratitude list! Let go of the negativity and look at the positive! 

 

 

Finally, take the first step.

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Put your plan into action. There is nothing more powerful to letting go of a loss than seeing progress toward a gain. You can do it! Believe in yourself; focus on the positive, let go of the negative. This is your choice! No one can make the choice for you. What do you want? See yourself achieving it, Go out there, and get it! 

 

 

 


Make it a great day!!

Thank you for taking the time to read my article.

If you would like to please leave a comment all suggestions, ideas, and comments are welcome!

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POWER TO DO, BE, OR HAVE ANYTHING!

As you can tell, my writings have been absent for more than a week. Every day, I thought about writing and every day I allowed myself to say, “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have enough time. I’m too tired.” I was allowing myself to be wrapped up in doing for everyone else and neglecting myself. So, what has changed? My thinking has!

Did you know that whatever you think about, you give power to? What you give power to; you cause to happen repeatedly. When I was thinking everyone else is using up my time that is what happened. I was giving energy to the loss of time, which perpetuated the loss of time. If however, I give energy and focus to having enough time for everything. That is what happens! Whatever we put our minds to is what we create! We are literally creating our life right now! You can make anything happen simply by thinking it, believing it, and receiving it. What we believe we achieve! When we think of something we need to act like we already do it or have it or are it, now. We don’t say someday I will be rich. Instead, see yourself and wealthy NOW. I am not saying go on a spending spree with your last dollar but I am saying to visualize to perfection what you will do once you have your million dollars. Not just, I will buy a house. Really, what does that house look like? Where is the furniture? What does the furniture look like? What does the kitchen smell like? Visualize with vividness and it WILL happen. Don’t just visualize though. Act it out. If you say, “I want to be happy” then you need to visualize yourself as happy and ACT happy! You will find that you are happy. You will become happy simply by the energy and the power you gave to being happy. This is not a maybe it will happen, or I hope it happens. It is much more than wishful thinking because we are giving our energy to it! If you don’t believe me let me give you an example from my own life.

Last week I learned that a coworker was leaving the company for another job. All week long, I imagined myself in her position. At this point, I didn’t really realize what I was doing however, anytime I walked into the company I thought about it. What if I asked for the position? I have less seniority than Carl does, would it even be possible? The excitement of doing that job grabbed hold of my mind and didn’t let go. I saw myself working independently. I visualized every day DOING the job. The weekend came and went and it was nearly her last day on the job. I walked into the conference area where we all met before we started our day to receive instruction from the manager. After everyone had exited the room the boss said, “I want to talk to you about something.” I turned to her and for a moment thought, “Oh no, what did I do?” When I voiced that she laughed and said, “Nothing, I want you to take over Cheryl’s position.” You could have picked my jaw up off the floor. I realized right then what I had done! I gave my thought, my energy, and my power to the idea of doing this job, of having this independence. I created this. I have the power to bring forth anything I desire and so do you!!!

So what is it that you want to be, have, or do? Make it perfectly clear in your mind! Give time to yourself to bring it into being. Allow yourself to see that you already are what you want most in the world. It will happen. Keep doing it. Don’t give up if you don’t see results immediately because the universe is realigning itself to give you what you want. Just as what we give good power to happens, what we give negative power to also happens. If I had said to myself, “I wont get the job. I’m not good enough.” I promise you the universe would have said, “Your wish is my command.” I would not have gotten the position. If I think every day, give power, and worry to the thought that my van is going to break down, guess what is going to happen. My van is going to break down. Whatever you give your thought and energy good or bad to WILL happen!

Now, I see myself as a writer. I give energy to the thought that I am a writer. I tell myself I have enough time to write. I see myself writing. Guess what happened. I woke up early on my day off, feeling totally rested with not an ounce of stress or pain in my body. I focused on having time to write. The universe or God, which ever you choose it to be, said, “Your wish is my command” realigned itself to my desire and provided me the time to write. I am so grateful for this opportunity and the knowledge that anything I desire, anything I give my thoughts and energy to, I can make happen. I am the creator of my life. The universe/God is like a parent who wants to see their beloved children happen and so grants every wish. So then, be brave enough to see yourself, as you want to be. See yourself having that new car. Look at your hands. Really look. Now see your hands wrapped around the steering wheel. The car is yours. Money and wealth can be yours. Love can be yours. Happiness can be yours. Gratefulness can be yours. Peace and harmony can be yours. Anything you can dream of is already out there waiting for you to want it, to think about it, to be it. Simply see it, believe it, act it. It will happen.

Overcoming Frustration

I think many of you would agree that frustration is one of those emotions that seem to override everything else. How many times this week have you wanted to pull your hair out, kick, scream, yell, or maybe even hit something (hopefully not someone)? How many have you felt this way today? Every one experiences frustration or stress from time to time. It happens when we don’t get what we want, when things don’t work out the way we expect them to or when others don’t behave the way we want them to.

Even I experience this. Yesterday is a great example. My plans yesterday included getting the boys (teenagers) off to school and sitting down to write for my blog and work on my novel. I was stressed about my novel because I have rewritten this chapter twice. So I was ready to give it another go and make it work. I woke up ready to and pumped to put out some great work. Then, the school called. I was informed that schools were closed due to icy roads. Immediately my plans changed without my wanting them to and my frustration level rose. I felt tired and unmotivated. I still completed a partial morning routine. Then the boys got up. For some reason one of them was out of sorts. I do not know if he was overly tired or stressed but his tension-increased mine. We ended up butting heads for most of the day. By six in the evening, I had given up any hope of redeeming the day. I was more than exhausted. The emotional conflict that resulted from my frustration at failed plans was far too much. It was also unnecessary. I did not realize until later that I had let go of my control. I did not have to give in to the negativity that I felt. I did not have to give in to the upset, angst, and anxiety that I had been swimming in all day! I am at this point not certain about why I did not realize this but it happens when we let that stress, negativity and frustration consume us. Yes, I wanted to pull my hair out, kick and scream. I did none of those things I was not kind. I did not use the THINK method in my frustration I vented, I snapped, and I quarreled…. Like a teenager. I am thirty-seven years old. There was really no need for it and it did not help defuse the situation, nor did it make me feel better. What could I have done differently yesterday to make the day not a complete loss? Well, there are several things.

  1. I could have started over. I needed to clear my space. If I had completed my morning routine, my space would have been clear. An uncluttered workspace, whether it is the desk when I am writing, the counters when I am cooking or the table when I am eating means an uncluttered mind. When we let go of clutter outside the clutter inside diminishes greatly! Therefore, the first step in overcoming frustration is to see if there are environment factors contributing to the feeling of frustration. It is important to our psyche to have a neat and clean environment.
  2. I could have left the situation. Going or a walk or maybe going to the café for some herbal tea or even making tea at home and going into my bedroom would have helped. I was standing in the middle of tension that was literally palpable. I could feel it. I was breathing shallow, quick breaths and I felt like I was consumed by the stress. When we leave a situation, we are not fixing the situation but we are fixing ourselves so that we can see things in a new perspective. Yes, it is winter, and it is cold. Even if a walk were not optimal, moving away from the source of fire would have meant I wasn’t burned. It would have given me a chance to breathe and think more clearly.
  3. I could have reminded myself that things change. Plans change on a daily basis. I could have entered into this with a feeling of acceptance. To do so would have alleviated the frustration before it magnified once the boys were up. Emotions are contagious. What I was feeling most likely escalated the tension with the kids. To accept the change in plans would not have been difficult. Sitting down and writing a new to-do list and creating a new plan for the day would have made things run much more smoothly.

When we accept that things change, we can look at things in a different way. We can see where improvement is beneficial. We can change with the changes. It is all a part of reinventing ourselves on a daily basis. We really can choose if we will have a good day or a bad day. What we think about, we bring forth. When we focus on a thousand ills we will be besot by the troubles of life. If we think of a thousand joys, the troubles of life disappear and we bring forth a garden of flowers and beauty rather than weeds.

Overcome frustration by stopping everything. Take a deep breath. Look around you. What in your environment is causing you stress? Deal with it right away. Clean up. Clear a space for you. Then make a list of what you need to do. Accept that plans change and change with them. Leave the situation and gain a new perspective. Come back and do one thing at a time. If the kids are bickering, take the time to talk to each one of them. Find out what frustrates them. Offer them a way out. Maybe give them a chance to take a walk or go visit a friend. Sometimes even our kids need to leave the situation so they can distress. Finally, rethink. If what you are doing is not working, it is time to do something else. Do you remember the stop sign method? This is a great time to use it! Frustration and stress does not have to consume us. We have the ability to CHOOSE our path! What kind of day will you choose? As for me, I choose to be happy!

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. All comments and suggestions are welcome! Do you have any ideas on relieving frustration and stress? Please leave a comment for our readers!

Daily Prompt: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Daily Prompt: Changes

You need to make a major change in your life. Do you make it all at once, cold turkey style, or incrementally?

Write what you are afraid to write and your humanity will come alive. This post gives me the opportunity to write what I am most afraid to write.

Change in my life has always come from necessity until very recently. In the past I have left everything behind (except my boys) to completely reinvent myself. Leaving or changing relationships for me did not just mean leaving the person; it meant changing my life and myself. I always believed that whatever I did, it had to be to better myself. I left abusive relationships and just plain unhealthy relationships and it was always cold turkey. Once I left, I never looked back. I never changed my mind. There were times when I needed help to do this. I am human. I have made a great number of mistakes in my life but instead of dwelling in the past, I moved on to live in the present.

    Sometimes in life, change thrusts itself upon us. This causes a great deal of anxiety for many people. Change is hard. Of course, anything worth doing is hard. For a long time I was very independent. I worked for a doctor’s office and made good money. I loved to spend that money. Then one day I woke up. I was in a hospital bed unable to walk, move, or even open my eyes. I was completely paralyzed. I remember hearing my mom (though I may have imagined it) yelling, “Breathe Shelly! Breathe!” I felt like I was floating away from everyone. I saw my own body lying on the bed, my dad was at the foot; my best friend was to my left. I could not see my mom, but I could hear her as plain as day. I was, according to the doctors, dead for a number of minutes. I had gone into status epilepticus. I was having so many seizures my body was just done. It had taken all it could.

    You see, during the time of “big money” I allowed myself to become a cocaine addict. One day I became very depressed because I was unable to end the addiction. I told myself over and over, this is the last time. Finally, it was the last time. I overdosed on cocaine and Prozac. I went into seizure after seizure. By breathing stopped. My heart stopped. I don’t know how long it was. I don’t know how long I was even in the hospital. What I do remember, is after I was finally able to leave the hospital (still barely walking, I had to use a walker to keep from falling) I went directly to Kairo’s Drug Rehab for women. From that day on my whole life changed. That was 5 years ago today. Today is the anniversary of the day I entered rehab. I got clean. As it went with the other changes in my life, I never looked back. I never changed my mind. I was clean, finally, and I vowed to stay that way. I am to this day, a recovered drug addict. I have not touched cocaine or any other drug since that day. I have my Mom, my Dad, and my best friend R. to thank for helping me through that tough time. I will be grateful to them for the rest of my life. I owe them everything. This is how change was thrust into my lap. It was do or die.

    I prefer to change things all at once. Tearing a band aid off quickly and completely hurts much less than peeling it back a little at a time. Change is much the same way. When walking away from something or someone, we must make the decision and do it. Thought without action, is wasted time. I learned that once the desire is strong enough one must take action before it is too late. I told myself I wanted to stop using. I told myself that every single time I bought more powder. Telling myself was not enough; I needed to take action. My lack of action nearly cost me my life. It nearly cost my parents their daughter and it nearly cost my boys their mom. In my life, I will never let that happen again. Where action is needed, there will be action.

    Change is a part of life that is constant. Impermanence is what life is. Once we realize that everything is impermanent, we can cherish what we have now, and let it go when it is time because we know it was, from the first day, meant to change. Things and events change us and we change things and events by our very presence. Accept change and flow with it. If there is something, you don’t like in your life, or something that makes you unhappy. It is time for change. Take the action needed. Don’t ever let it be too late and wish you had done something differently.

That is my story of change. Thank you for taking the time to come to read my work. As always, make it a GREAT Day!

    

Opportunity: Overcoming a Problem

    Before I get into the heart of this article, I want to tell you a story that you may have heard before, (it is an old story that has been passed from country to country, and generation to generation, so it is modified for each by each), but it is inspirational. Let’s face it, at 4:39 morning, who couldn’t use a little inspiration?

There once was a farmer who had a donkey that wouldn’t work. The farmer had tried everything! Nevertheless, the donkey wouldn’t pull a wagon, wouldn’t walk the stone wheel, and wouldn’t carry a pack or even the farmer. The farmer tried everything to get this stubborn animal to earn its keep. He whipped the donkey, he refused to feed him unless he worked and he was generally very sour whenever he saw the donkey. Finally, the farmer gave up. He planned to take the mule to the market the next day where it would be sold and used for dog food. That night however, the donkey tried to run away from the grumpy, mean farmer. He ran as fast as he could but in the dark, he didn’t get far. He didn’t see the hole in the ground. The donkey fell into the hole. He was frightened and began to bray loudly.

    “Help me! Help me!” The donkey cried. All night he brayed, whined, and cried. He tried to climb the walls of the hole but he had nothing to stand on.

    The next day the farmer heard the donkey and went to see what the commotion. When he saw the donkey in the hole, the farmer had an idea.

    “I will just fill in this hole with the donkey in it then I don’t have to deal with that fool animal anymore!”

    He grabbed a shovel and started to fill in the hole. He threw more and more dirt in right on the donkey. It took the donkey a minute or two before he realized the farmer was trying to bury him alive! “Oh no!” The donkey brayed loudly. Then, he was determined. The donkey decided he would not be buried! With that, he shook the dirt off his back and stomped it in to the ground below him. With each shovel of dirt that was thrown on him, he would shake it off and stamp it in.

    It wasn’t long before the donkey realized that he was nearly a foot closer to the top of the hole. This continued for several hours and the donkey had stopped braying so the farmer thought he must surely be dead. To be sure, the farmer kept heaping dirt into the hole. The donkey though, kept brushing it off and stomping it in until FINALLY the donkey reached the top of the hole. When the farmer bent to get the next load of dirt, the donkey bit him in the BUTT and walked calmly down the road.

    The moral of the story is this: When life throws dirt on you, shake it off, stomp it in, and get a little closer to your goal!


    We all come across problems and situations in each day that we must deal with. We have a couple of choices.

  1. We can choose to let the problems pile up until we are buried, by closing our eyes and wishing really hard that the problem would go away by itself.
  1. We can look at the problem realistically, determine what the solutions are, and then fix the problem.

Based on how we choose to approach the situation, we can turn problems into opportunities. The key to finding the opportunity within a problem is to face it head on as soon as possible. Don’t procrastinate. When we procrastinate handling a problem, it will stay in our head, cause undue stress, irritability, frustration and it saps our energy. In addition, procrastinating can cause a small problem to become much larger with greater consequences. Next, we must look at how we are approaching the problem mentally. If we are feeding negativity into it, then it will remain a problem. If we take a different route and move forward with a positive mental attitude and a plan of action, we can actually benefit and find opportunity for growth, and enlightenment.

“Again and again, the impossible decision is solved when we see that the problem is only a tough decision waiting to be made.” –Robert Schuller

HOW TO SOLVE A PROBLEM AND CREATE AN OPPORTUNITY

  1. Identify the problem. Before we can find a solution, we need to know what the real problem is and what is causing the problem. For example, Joe’s bank account was over drawn. This may look like the problem but there is a greater problem behind it. The greater problem lies in Joe’s over spending which caused the bank account to overdraw.
  1. Find the opportunity. Joe now has the opportunity to learn from this mistake. He can see where his budget needs modification and become more adept at managing his finances.

  2. Break it down. Break down your problem and declare your objectives. Take the large problem and break it into clear pieces so you have a better understanding on what to do first, based on importance. Overdrawn bank account means that money has to be put into the account to bring it to a positive balance, and steps need to be taken to ensure this does not reoccur. Obviously bringing the account balance to the positive is the most pressing part of this problem. Then the reason for the mishap must be addressed. Base the decision on the level of importance and urgency, and the potential to get worse.

  3. Set a Goal. Now is the time to set a goal that will address the large problem and the issue leading to the problem. 1. Overdrawn account 2. Over spending. The goal must be specific, achievable and measurable, and realistic.

  4. Decide on the precise steps to be taken. Once you have your goal, you need to know and write down the exact steps you will take to achieve the goal. This means having a very specific plan of action. If Joe just says I have to spend less, he is not motivated to see it to completion. It is too random. Instead, he could say, I will spend less by cutting out my morning latte. I will keep track of expenditures daily. That is a specific plan of action, simplistic, but specific.

  5. Implement your strategy. Put your plan into action!

  6. Check your results. Delegate specific times throughout the process of change to check the results and be sure you are nearing your goal and making forward progress. Evaluate your results. Are you seeing positive improvement? Are you learning anything? Are the current results beneficial and positive?

  7. Standardize. If the results of your plan of action are successful and positive, turn your action into a habit. Make it your standard operating procedure.

Often through the course of problem solving, other opportunities will be brought to light. Take each opportunity and evaluate it. Determine if it is a good time to act on the opportunity. If it is a good time then jump on it! Do not wait and let the opportunity pass by. If the time is not good for action, put it on your to-do list. Soon, you will see opportunities surrounding you instead of problems. A problem is only a problem if we approach the situation with a negative, can’t do, frustrated attitude.

Are there hidden opportunities in your life right now? Try using the steps above to get the best, most positive results possible. Remember, the next time life throws dirt on you, shake it off, stomp it in, and rise a little higher.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. Make it a great day! 🙂

To-Do List: The Power of Simplicity

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” – Mark Twain

 

 

    What Mark Twain was referring to in the quote above is that by completing the toughest part of your day first thing you are done with it the rest of the day. It is over and you can move on.

 

    Personally, I really do not like the stress of having a certain project or task that needs to be completed hanging around in my head. It just makes me think about it and think about it. That takes up a lot of space, a lot of time, and a lot of energy! That is where a To-Do list comes in. My to-do list is my brain on paper! If something is on my list, I don’t think about it. I just do it.

 

    Did you know that if you have something on your mind that has been bothering you, when you write it down your brain will stop rehashing it? By writing down what is in your head, your brain lets go and moves on to other things. How many times have you lain away at night with tomorrow’s agenda on your mind replaying it, and trying to remember everything? Many people call this insomnia. It is not insomnia; it is simply a brain trying to remember. The cure is to write the agenda down. I guarantee you will fall asleep. In addition, you will remember everything much more easily the next day.

 

How to Write a To-Do List

 

One key point to remember when creating a to-do list is to keep it simple. Your to-do list should be limited to what needs to be done the current day or the next day. Making your list too long to manage will make you feel cluttered or distracted and you will feel like you don’t really know where to start. So, keep your list limited to no more than 12 things. Once you reach the bottom of your list, begin creating the next list. If you make a to-do list each day and actually put in the effort to complete each task you will find that, your lists get shorter and shorter on their own. When we neglect to take care of business, our lists grow to unmanageable proportions. OK so you know now to keep it reasonable, keep it simple.

 

STEP 1: Block out a few minutes (I use 15 minutes) each morning and each evening to create and revise your to-do list. This is important. Uninterrupted time will help you think more clearly and you will not forget what you want to get done half way through writing your list.

 

STEP 2: Think about your day. What are your goals? Write down the first step to achieving your goal. The hardest part of doing anything is getting started. By making the first step to your goal a priority on your to-do list you will get started!

 

STEP 3: Write down all the rest of the things that you need to do for the day. Remember though keep it simple. If cleaning your bathroom is one of your priorities great! Write down clean the bathroom, not scrub the toilet, wash the sink, clean the mirror.

(I am assuming you have been cleaning your bathroom for many years and you will know what needs cleaning. If however you are living in chaos and have clutter from floor to ceiling, may I suggest www.flylady.net. A free program that will help you get things decluttered, and organized very easily! I am not advertising for the site, I just know firsthand how helpful it is. It is literally life changing.)

 

STEP 4: Now, you have your list of 12 (it is ok to have less, and Ok to have more as long as you are not overwhelmed). Look your list over and prioritize. What is the most important thing to do? Put the letter A by it. What is the next important? Put the letter B, and so on. In the case of having two things with the same priority, use A1 and A2, B1 B2 etc.

 

Always assign the toughest jobs a higher priority than the easy, lesser important jobs. As Mr. Twain was referring to, getting the tough stuff out of the way first means you have less to worry about through the day.

Once your list is complete, you are ready to move on with your day. You will be amazed at how much less stressed you are and how much MORE you get accomplished!


REMINDERS:

 

 

Remember to cross of each item on your list as you get it done. It is a great feeling at the end of the day to see your list all crossed off. If you have anything left over, move it to the next day’s list. Determine its priority. If you have had it on your list for three consecutive days and you have not completed the task, decide if you will either

  1. Complete the task or-
  2. Delegate the task to someone else or-
  3. Remove the task completely until there is a better time to reintroduce it to your list.

 

This is your list. You have complete autonomy on what to put on the list, on what to delegate, on what to cross off and what to eliminate! This is yours! You are the boss! You can do this!

 

Have fun with it and get some much-needed rest. Make tomorrow’s list tonight and see if you don’t sleep extra well tonight! Good luck and let me know how it works for you!

 

If you have any suggestions on how to make the most of to-do lists or make them better please or if you just want to give us your experience with using to-do lists please leave a commentJ.

 

Thank you for reading! Make it a Great Day!